Escaping an abusive relationship

…takes forever. But I’m glad I finally did.

Anne Murayama
8 min readMar 8, 2020

--

I have never spoken about this publicly before because I was afraid and weak. I was afraid that if I do so, my ex-boyfriend would tell people how bad I was as a human being and blame me for all the salty things that happened in our relationship. I was weak because I was sorely manipulated by him and he made me believe that I didn’t deserve to be in any relationship at all because I’m me and I won’t ever change.

We were total opposites. But while the attraction was there, the reaction didn’t seem to be right. He hated being all-out, I loved being showy. I am the clingy type and this always annoyed him — even if it was just the two of us. Eventually, even though not constantly, I began to repress my sweetness as a girlfriend because it sucks when your partner doesn’t appreciate and reciprocate.

I couldn’t remember how our relationship started to become toxic. But looking back, I am sure that we had more arguments than agreements. Little misunderstanding easily led to huge fights. Serious issues led to off-and-on’s. We fought over the dumbest of things and the more it frequently happened, the more damaged our relationship became because there was a gaping lack of respect and understanding. Ultimately, there was more loathing than loving.

--

--

Anne Murayama

fka Erin Cross. Based in Tokyo, Japan. Black and white visual storyteller.