Escaping an abusive relationship

…takes forever. But I’m glad I finally did.

I have never spoken about this publicly before because I was afraid and weak. I was afraid that if I do so, my ex-boyfriend would tell people how bad I was as a human being and blame me for all the salty things that happened in our relationship. I was weak because I was sorely manipulated by him and he made me believe that I didn’t deserve to be in any relationship at all because I’m me and I won’t ever change.

We were total opposites. But while the attraction was there, the reaction didn’t seem to be right. He hated being all-out, I loved being showy. I am the clingy type and this always annoyed him — even if it was just the two of us. Eventually, even though not constantly, I began to repress my sweetness as a girlfriend because it sucks when your partner doesn’t appreciate and reciprocate.

I couldn’t remember how our relationship started to become toxic. But looking back, I am sure that we had more arguments than agreements. Little misunderstanding easily led to huge fights. Serious issues led to off-and-on’s. We fought over the dumbest of things and the more it frequently happened, the more damaged our relationship became because there was a gaping lack of respect and understanding. Ultimately, there was more loathing than loving.

I also couldn’t remember when he started to hit me physically. But I do remember that we were arguing at that time, and he “accidentally” hit my face and my eyeglasses flew off. He told me he didn’t mean it and that it was just his reflex. But from that moment, I started to fear him.

The hitting happened more frequently that I lost count already. The worst one was when he pushed me away and my legs hit a wooden pole. It bled and left a scar. I will never forget how much I cried after that.

The more it happened, the less he said he was sorry. And told me that it happened because I initiated it, that I brought him to that darkness, that it was my fault for causing that kind of pain to myself. And because he had his way to completely manipulate my mind, I believed him.

It took a long while before I shared the hitting incidents with my closest girl friends at that time. When they knew about it, they prompted me to…